Maybe this feels familiar:
work → friends → Berghain → brunch → dating apps → holidays → repeat
(The “→” stands for social media in between.)
Nothing wrong with that, you might say. And yet, you end up in therapy, because something feels… off. Life feels harder than it should. Here is a clip by Eckhart Tolle on why it feels unfair and why that can become your motor for growth.
To be honest, for a while I didn’t always help my patients enough here. Because this isn’t a classic trauma you can trace back to one event and process. It’s more existential. More subtle. Harder to grab.
I wrote this page to give you a place to start. Because “finding meaning” sounds nice, but in reality it often feels confusing as hell.
Most people wait until they “feel ready” to do something meaningful.
That moment usually never comes. Meaning doesn’t start with clarity.
It starts with doing something slightly unfamiliar and staying with it longer than you normally would.
On a personal note: My grandfather was a baker and hated his job. There was no meaning there for him. But he built it elsewhere.
He founded and joined different clubs. A wine drinking and hiking group, a men’s singing club, a theatre group, a bowling group, and a few others.
When he died at 96, all these people showed up at his funeral. The singing club stood there and performed a song: “Sleep well, beloved friend.”
I still remember him as a grumpy old guy.
But he was not lacking meaning.
Around 30, many people start noticing something:
Excitement and meaning are not the same thing.
Cities like Berlin are built for dopamine.
New people. New clubs. New partners.
Dopamine is great. It makes life exciting.
But dopamine has a small flaw.
The brain adapts quickly.
What once felt electric slowly becomes normal. And when meaning is missing, we often try to create more intensity instead.
Relationships are the fastest way to do that.
But anything works: drugs, porn, constant scrolling, chasing the next “better” option.
Meaning doesn’t come from more dopamine.
Meaning usually comes from something slower.
Something closer to serotonin: stability, depth, contribution, connection.
Less flashy. But far more satisfying over time.
The problem is this:
Most people don’t have a language for meaning.
They have language for happiness, excitement, success, and relationships.
So when something feels off, they assume:
“Something must be wrong with my dating life.”
But the deeper question might be:
“What is my life actually in service of?”
Viktor Frankl, who survived concentration camps, observed something important.
The people who psychologically survived weren’t necessarily the strongest.
They were the ones who still felt that their life had meaning.
He concluded that humans can tolerate a lot: pain, uncertainty, even suffering.
But what we struggle with most is the feeling that life is meaningless.
That’s a heavy thought.
And there’s no quick fix for it.
Relationships work much better when they are not the main source of meaning, but just one part of a meaningful life.
Healthy relationships usually happen when meaning exists elsewhere first. So yes, in a way, you need to get your meaning sorted first and then let the algorithm find you a partner.
A pattern I often see is this:
Achievement + stimulation + validation
But missing:
Contribution + purpose + responsibility for something beyond myself
If meaning is missing, the relationship starts carrying everything.
And that’s too heavy for any partner.
If meaning has been located externally, often in partners, then building it internally can feel like losing hope, losing fantasy, and losing your imagined perfect future.
So resistance is normal.
Strong resistance.
“If therapy never produces discomfort, it rarely produces change.” — Irvin Yalom
In your 20s, the main question is often:
Who am I?
In your 30s, it slowly becomes:
What am I here for?
That transition is uncomfortable.
But it’s also the beginning of a much richer life.
No pain, no gain.
This doesn’t start with relief.
It starts with awareness.
And awareness can feel brutal.
“Wait… is this it? My life has no real meaning? I suck.”
If it suddenly feels messier, that doesn’t mean things got worse.
It means you stopped numbing yourself.
Before, avoidance kept things smooth.
Now you are actually feeling. Sorry 🙂
This is one of the most uncomfortable questions you can ask yourself.
Most people can answer easily what they do, where they go, and who they date.
But not this.
Where would someone actually notice if you disappeared?
Not on Instagram. It couldn’t care less.
In real life.
That question is often the beginning.
The truth is that I don’t know what your meaning will look like.
I found mine after quite some crisis. In the end that made me humble, and I typed into Google what I thought I was missing and found it.
But here are some starting points which easily translate to any other city.
Notice how you might not read them with excitement, but rather with shame.
That’s okay.
This is the part where most people get stuck.
“Okay… I get it. But where do I actually start?”
Not with a big life decision.
Just with something small that feels slightly unfamiliar.
You can start by simply being there for someone else.
For example, you can mentor someone through Berlin Mentors, or browse different opportunities on Vostel.
This usually means meeting one person regularly. Talking. Listening. Being present.
It doesn’t feel dramatic.
But it often feels surprisingly real.
Someone would actually notice if you didn’t show up.
Berlin is full of people “thinking about starting something”.
Very few actually do.
You can start small at places like Betahaus, Factory Berlin, or through groups on Meetup.
Maybe a small event. Maybe a newsletter. Maybe a group. Maybe a workshop.
Your first attempt will feel awkward.
That’s part of it.
Writing is one of the simplest ways to create meaning.
You don’t need to “be a writer”.
You can just start.
For example through the Berlin Writers’ Workshop, or through casual writing groups on Meetup.
This often feels like slowing down, thinking more clearly, and noticing what is actually going on inside you.
Not exciting.
But grounding.
Teaching is one of the fastest ways to feel useful.
You can support people through organisations like Berliner Stadtmission, or teach something more structured via the Volkshochschule.
This usually feels like being needed, being listened to, and making something easier for someone else.
It creates a very direct sense of: “I matter here.”
This is massively underrated.
You don’t have to wait to be invited.
You can create something yourself through Meetup or Eventbrite.
A small dinner. A discussion group. A strange idea.
This often feels like a bit uncomfortable at first, slightly chaotic, but also alive.
People show up because you made something happen.
Explore Something Spiritual
You don’t have to become a “spiritual person”.
But at some point many people feel drawn to something deeper. Not more stimulation, but more meaning.
You can try meditation at places like the Buddhistisches Haus, join a Zen group, or explore different approaches without committing to anything. I can also recommend Lothar Schwalm in Berlin for learning awareness.
This often feels like:
slowing down… getting bored… then slightly uncomfortable… and eventually a bit more present.
Not exciting.
But strangely honest.
This is something many people resist immediately.
It sounds awkward. Maybe even a bit cringy.
But spaces where people actually talk honestly about their lives are rare.
There are men’s and women’s groups in Berlin, some structured, some informal, often found through Meetup or local communities.
This often feels like:
initial resistance… a bit of skepticism… and then realizing that other people struggle with very similar things.
Not glamorous.
But real.
I swear by the mankind project. It changed my life.
If you want to feel that your voice matters, you can literally train it.
For example through groups like Toastmasters, where people practice public speaking in a structured but supportive environment.
This often feels like:
fear… awkward pauses… saying something that doesn’t quite land… and then slowly becoming clearer.
Over time, you notice something simple:
people are actually listening to you.
Not just scrolling, arguing, or reposting.
Actually getting involved.
You can join a local initiative, support a cause, or engage with political groups in your area.
This often feels like:
frustration… complexity… disagreement… and occasionally the sense that what you do has some impact.
It’s not clean.
But it connects you to something bigger than yourself.
Most modern life is reversible.
You can quit, delete, swipe, restart.
Meaning often appears when something actually matters.
For some people, that can even mean considering something like organ donation.
Not as a dramatic gesture.
But as a quiet decision:
that part of me will help someone else live.
This often feels like:
a bit confronting… very real… and strangely grounding.
A simple shortcut:
If all of this feels overwhelming, start with Vostel.
It’s basically “Tinder for meaning”.
You can try things, switch, explore, without overcommitting.
Most people wait until they “feel ready” to do something meaningful.
That moment usually never comes.
Meaning doesn’t start with clarity.
It starts with doing something slightly unfamiliar and staying with it longer than you normally would